Turning 35 and Single

Do I feel any different? Not exactly.

I think 35 is a milestone to be celebrated, but as someone who is often pensive, I took the time to reflect instead. I spent a day consolidating my thoughts, my fears and my zealousness. It was also an opportunity to recalibrate and refocus my energy for what's ahead, and here are my three key takeaways:

It's okay to be lonely sometimes

I have a tight-knit circle of friends who have been part of my life for years. I went to most of their weddings, saw them start a family and even became a God-parent. The lifestyle we were accustomed to 10 years ago has slowly faded. From frequent partying and vacations, our meet-ups are now more contained where we either do brunches or dinner at one of their houses. It's great we still set aside time to catch up, but I know it will never be the same with their family commitments. It can be lonely when you have no one to check in on you or make impromptu plans with. But what matters is - it's okay to feel lonely. It's a natural feeling, and you shouldn't feel ashamed. However, don't let it consume you. Here are two things I have told myself to remember:

1. Don't wait; make those plans today - Do what you've always wanted, even if it means doing it alone. Whether going for dance lessons or watching a movie, make a date with yourself so you don't regret not doing it.

2. Make new connections - I'm not saying you need to find new friends. But you can find people with similar interests or passions, and you can do regular activities together. It could be a running club or book club, whatever interests you. You can find them easily on Facebook or even on the onePA website.

Don't let the feeling of mediocrity stop you from greatness

What have I accomplished at 35? When I read the papers on new startups or innovations, I usually think to myself, when can I ever do something great? I always feel mediocre compared to these go-getters. Many of these people who are chasing their dreams are also a lot younger than I am, and the older I get, the more inadequate I feel. Here's the thing, I know where my strengths lie and over the years, I have thought of many ways to venture away from the corporate world and do something on my own. So what's stopping me from reaching greatness? It's self-doubt.

I keep doubting my abilities and whether doing something on my own can give me stability. It's always at the back of my mind telling me to play it safe. But the more I do that, the more annoyed I get for not even trying. So I am not going to let age define me as everyone finds success in their own time. Take Vera Wang for instance, she started her company at 40 and look where she is now - a household name in high fashion. It is also why I started writing, cause you've got to start somewhere and it will only take off if you do something about it.

Don't wait to build your future

When you hit 35 and are single in Singapore, you can buy an HDB or government housing for those unfamiliar. Depending on your income bracket, you can buy a build-to-order 2-room flat or, if you want something bigger, a resale flat. If you are eager to leave the nest or want your own space, you can either rent or buy a private property.

Truth be told, I was in no rush to get a place of my own, and I wasn't sure what I wanted. Hence, I waited till my 35th birthday, so I have the option of buying an HDB or private property. One thing I learnt early on, is it's always important to plan your finances, and it was more significant when I realised I was going to be buying a property on my own. It's definitely going to be the biggest purchase of my life, and I want to do it right. Hence, I have been looking feverishly at property sites and going for house viewings, making sure I get the best bang for the buck. Whether or not I meet someone down the road is secondary. I need to know that I can take care of myself no matter the circumstances because my future is in my hands, not anyone else's. As I look to secure my first home, I'm slowly putting the puzzle pieces of my future together. Remember, there is no fixed time frame for you to do so. Choose a timeline that works best for you but just make sure you start thinking about your future and then building on it.

You have your own journey and I hope you find the right balance you're looking for.

Photo by Juan Rojas on Unsplash