How Perfect Do I Need to Be?

I’m in my late thirties, single, and somehow caught up in this need to be ‘PERFECT’. Why do I feel like I need to be a little more "interesting" (or let’s be real, extraordinary) just to get noticed? If I don’t have a bunch of hobbies or credentials or a full social calendar, will I come across as…boring? So, here I am, diving, playing tennis, training for a marathon, and, in a move that even I find a tad desperate, applying for a master’s degree. GASP! Yes, I know - it's a lot. But it’s as if just being myself isn’t going to cut it. Why is validation so important? Maybe because, well, I’m human, and these feelings are REAL!

Adding to the mix, I’m noticing the rapid signs of aging. The greys are multiplying faster than I can spell “grey,” and the wrinkles and crow’s feet seem to have taken up permanent residence around my eyes. I know, I know - confidence is key, but have you seen the competition out there? It is a competition, no matter what anyone says, and, let’s face it, the dating pool feels like it’s shrinking by the day. So how do you stand out? By being adventurous, by being fun, by being… unique?

Of course, if I told someone about this, they would want to give me some 'well-meaning' advice like: “You’re too picky,” “Looks aren’t everything,” or “Put yourself out there more.” If my eye could roll any harder, it might just fall out. Seriously, do they think I’m not putting myself out there? I’m on more dating apps than I’d like to admit, even showing up at those awkward singles events. And don’t even get me started on the irony when friends cringe at my dating stories or photos and then tell me not to judge based on looks.

I can’t be the only one feeling like this. Are you caught in the same situation? If so, welcome to the club.

Photo by Rodrigo Kugnharski on Unsplash